Its time...

When life isn't going as planned, sometimes a little voice starts telling me that it'll unquestionably be better elsewhere.

Enough of those emoing, lazing around, feeling lost or whatever. People always said that "The grass is always greener on the other side", but I think that the grass is greener where I water it.

Time to be awesome! Lets go! :)
Fake it till I make it.

What If...

I know this very well.
I can feel it.
Just one last time.
Anything happen again within this period just one last time.
I am sure that we will be gone-case.

Occasionally, the reality is more cruel than lies.
If people hate me for being like this, then I hate them too. It's simple.
There's no reason for me to look good or give good impression to people who don't like me.
I am having a hard time liking them back too. It keeps me wondering.

* Random thoughts as always, if anyone came across this post, pretend you didn't, I don't like it being brought up and discussed about. Thank You.

Mistakes

After 26 years, I still got nothing under my name...
Nothing to offer, but I believe it will come to an end soon.

Recently, I made some mistakes here and there.
It is not a bad thing, it helped me to identify my faults so I can establish who I want to become.
Of course, there is no doubt that realizing that I have made a mistake sucks.
I remember feeling like I had disappointed myself.
I remember wishing I could either go back in time or even fast forward into the future.
I remember I am trapped in my own mind, consumed with negative thoughts.
Worst, I never took the time to allow myself to realize that what I did wasn't such a big deal.

Nevertheless, like what I said, I am grateful that I have made mistake.

First and foremost, it is okay to make mistakes (That's what most elders says).

They really do allow for the best learning experiences provided I don't repeat it.

No one is harder on me than I am to myself, I am the one who's making this a big deal.
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
No one will remember this by next week. Hahax.

Actually, in a week from now, my dear friends and I will be laughing about it. Or should I say, after a night?
Although its sucks to make mistake but I know that things will get better.
It's over and done with, what past is past. I don't want to let my past to control me.
It doesn't change who I am, in fact it actually help to build me into a better person (I believe).

Riding

There is a widespread prejudice against all bikers, justified or otherwise. Yes, I know motorcycling is a high risk transport, everybody knows that.

But the moment that I decided to ride, I am already 100% responsible for my own safety. And I don't blame other drivers or pedestrians if I really did get into an accident even if I am not the cause of it. A car may bolt out of the blue into my path, it always happens and I am the one that need to take the necessary precautions and ride in the most paranoid manner possible to preserve my meaningful life and also to get home safely.

But still like what one of my loves one say, it's not the vehicle problem but the person who handle it is the main problem. I strongly agree to this statement.

It's not this poor machine that are at fault, it's me, the rider that is at fault for not being responsible.

That bike incident that changes everything...
Maybe something should really happen to me so it won't turn out that way.

Not responsible...
Not reliable...
I let you down...
That's me...

No matter how many good things you do but just one mistake at the wrong time despite all the coincidence, everything is back to square one, that's reality. Deal with it.

Things will never be the same anymore   :(

Buddies ~

Guys, I think I am having some post graduation depression, maybe due to loss of identity or perhaps mourning the end of an era? Well, I am not alone, some of my classmates feeling lost and empty too.

On a side note, recently I made a new buddy.
I am glad that I am having more and more buddy, now I have a total of four!
How is it consider a buddy?
Because it is a relationship unlike any others, not those hi-bye, not those that need you when they need help, not those that are not making any efforts.

I would like to keep this numbers of buddy small since such rank "S" people in a person's life are not suppose to be too many.

There are no judgement, it's basically a free space to be entirely comfortable as my true-self.

There are no farces, there are no smoke and mirrors, there's just pure and open honesty.

They are like the ride or die, the person you go to when life is really great or just really, really horrible.

They are like the better half or even soul mate and there is no one else that I would rather spend my time with.

People may question our friendship and that's just because they have not been fortunate enough to experience something of the same magnitude in their own lives.

At least they are the people that I want to cherish because I really don't know where I would be without this people.

They are the people that I would trust with every little secret as I tell them the things I don't even want to admit to myself.

Caution

Don't take advantageous of me just because I give chances.
It doesn't mean you can abuse them over and over again.
Don't assume I will forgive you just because I don't react, or I say that it's okay because it's not okay at all.
I will remember it, it's just that I'd rather forgive someone I care a lot about, than lose them over something silly.
But I can only tolerate so much, and if you have pushed me past the limit, you must have messed up a lot before.

Knock some sense into the head

Yesterday I was being lectured by my stupid buddy...
It's good that once in while, people try to knock some sense into my head.

I have no idea what I want but dismissing people based upon on my specific criteria which could actually lead me to really miss out. The line is so blurred and disfigured at this point that I might drive myself crazy by just trying to figure out how to please everyone.

I need to stop navigate through it like a game that I can manipulate to achieve the best outcome without much risk. Be simple, be kind and most importantly be happy.  I need to be responsible for making this more complicated than it needs to be, it isn't a game, it's just other people. Stop counting cards and start counting smiles.

That's the conclusion for the late night talk I suppose. As the age-old saying goes, always treat others as you wish to be treated, no one deserves anything less than your utmost respect. My dear buddy, you have gained my respect, but still you are a naive buddy no matter what~ Haha

Those small little thing

Appreciative..
Something that I will look into a person to determine whether he/she worth the time and effort or not. Doesn't need to show much, even a small notes saying thank you is more than enough. Little things please me, it can be a cheap gift or a simple letter. I honestly react just as well to them as I do the big things. It may be small in value, but it means the most to me. They take the most thoughts, it's just nice to know know that you crossed that person's mind, enough that they though they'd to get you a little something.

On a side note, things don't always goes according to what people want. Its hard to change an impression, whats more if its a bad one. Maybe things are just not meant to be that way. Maybe it had became a habit too. No one knows.

As for mistakes, everybody makes mistakes. Its a cold hard fact of life. If someone truly care about the person, there's a need to learn to forgive them for their mistakes. Holding grudges towards one another can be very toxic, and is definitely not something to do if people want their whatever relationship to last.

Nothing last?

This few weeks have been a dark one...
Insomnia is terrible...
Study, study and more study...
I am glad that after today, I will only be left with one paper and not forgetting the individual report.. I will free after that, a qualified unemployed personnel at least.  :)

And why are the people around breaking up? Is it some break up season?

2 years of relationship gone..
4.5 years of relationship gone..
5.3 years of relationship gone...
Even the 6.6 years one also gone...

Whats common in them are that they seem so stable, it's like they are going to get married soon. And suddenly they break up just like that. As wasted as it seem, as sad as it sound, I believe there must be some underlying reason for that.

The longer a relationship is, the more secure it is? I don't think so. Feeling might fade, you might get bore of your partner or even worst, you like someone else. Things get taken forgranted, all those habits changes things. I guess its unavoidable...

Nothing last forever, is that true? I don't know and I can't comment on it. Someone told me that whenever a person leave your life, someone better will come into your life.. But whether will he/she stay or not is another issue.

Wearing a mask to impress others

If the face you always show to the world is a mask, someday... just wait till someday there will be nothing beneath it...

Why? Because when you spend too much time concentrating one everyone else's perception of you, or who everyone else wants you to be, you will eventually forget who you really are.

So don't fear the judgement of others, you know in your heart who you are and what's true to you.

You don't have to be perfect to impress or inspire people around you. Let them be impressed and inspired by how you deal with your imperfections.