Be Brave

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast

You can start speaking up
Nothing going to hurt you the way that words do
I wonder what would happen if you say what you want to say
Let the words fall out

Honestly I want to see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out.

Everybody's been there, everybody's been stared down
By the enemy
Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down tot he mighty
Don't run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

And the walls kept tumbling down

I was left to my own devices, many days fell away with nothing to show.

The plans I have for the future that never came to fruition because something else got in my way.
Life ebbs and flows and to keep up with it, I have to do the same.

The body that I will never have.
The knowledge that I will never acquire.
The courage that I will never muster and the effort that I will never put in.

Every flaw I picked apart from myself.
Every lie that I told myself about my limitations.
Every "I am not good enough" thought that ever flitted through the recesses of my mind, settling into a place where it mattered.

The useless degree I took in college.
I didn't end up where I expected but somehow still end up somewhere I consider better by looking at how the economies and markets are currently.

The places that I never traveled to..
The experiences that I didn't have.
The person that I did not chase after when they decided to walk away.
The phone calls that I didn't pick up.
The messages that I forgot to pass on while I still had the chance to do so.

I have to forgive myself for having the self-awareness to change my mind about the really big things.

#Does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?

A letter to...

To my dear bike,

As I get ready to get on this hog and prepare to ride.

Just let me feel your presence with me riding side by side. Let me feel the wind blowing across our face.

Don't let me fail to see and smell the nature around me as I ride from place to place.

Please do keep me safe from harm and let the other drivers see me as I ride by, and every once in awhile even though I'm a biker let them say, "Hi".

Keep me alert and always watching for others.

And I am going to tell you this, when my time on earth is up and it's time for me to take that ride in the sky, just give me a chance to tell everyone I love them and don't forget me when I die.

Thank You for letting me be a biker and doing what I loved the best, for the many miles I traveled, places I got to go and see before I finally came to rest.

Regards,

Sum Jiawei Edwin

So near yet so far ~

Do not pressure someone into anything...
- Guilt trips are never cool, no matter how small the issue is.

Do not criticize a person's food/drink choices.
- "Are you really going to eat that?" "Are you sure you want another drink?" Yes, now that person is going to order two because of the stupid comment.

Give that person the space that is necessary.
- The only thing worst than someone who doesn't give enough attention is someone who gives too much attention. Sometimes, a person just wants to read a book or watch a trashy TV show. Respect that decision, give the necessary alone time, it will allow that person to have the much needed rest.

Listen, Just listen.
- Everybody can be a problem solvers, when hear about an issues, it is natural to come up with a suggestion or solution. When a person vents to you, that's not what he/she is looking for. He/she wants just a simply listener or at least someone who make an attempt to understand. He/she does not want to be given an answer but the support he/she needed to figure it out on her own.

Day 13

Pretty soon...

Day 11

Word to describe Day 11?

Oh well, make a few mistake again at workplace.
I broke a whole new blade that cost hundred over ~ Hooray~

After work, while I am riding out of the carpark, I almost get hit by the gantry barrier. Why? A car stopped right after the gantry and when it's my turn to go through the gantry. The barrier opened for me, I moved forward but was unable to ride out of the gantry. I think there's a timer for it, the barrier closed (Drop down) onto my bike (Right infront of me) and goes back up again! I am so shocked by it.

Its the third week that I am working.
Monday to Friday
Office Hours(Not something that I planned to do)
I actually prefer shift timing.
But oh well, it makes me so look forward to weekends.
Wednesday is like a relief, a sign that telling me, the weekend is near! Can't wait for it...

Day 10

Word to describe Day 10?

Morning was a bad one.
Maybe I am too tired due to the insomnia, almost get knocked by a car as I forget to check my blind-spot and just change lane like nobody business.

Nearing afternoon, at work, it was another bad one...
Cut wrong parts.
Mold did not stand up properly and was slanted.
Polishing not up to standard.
Etch too lightly.

Lunch didn't eat much either.

After lunch, my mood actually gets better :)
The samples that I produced after lunch get good remarks and certified by the engineers.

It's alright to make mistakes, minor one at least.
I am going to sharpen my arsenal for perfection in what I can produce.
I am going to try to beat my last performance.

All these time what I have been running from?
If I had face it, I will have realize that it's not that big.
I am like "Oh Man..."
If I just stay still, not only did I faced it, I will have beat it too.
What else am I?
What else am I capable of?
What else am I holding my back from?
I am capable of more.
What am I running from that I don't need to?
What else can I overcome?
Go after it, give it all I have.
If I really did lost it, at least I tried.
After all, "I failed" is more of a man than someone who say "What If?".

#Do not be afraid, you are already very good as it is. The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you! Don't let the insecurity ruin the beauty you were born with.

Day 9

Word to describe Day 9?

Morning a bit Monday blue mood...
Afternoon mood did improved a bit as my mentor is giving me more and more independent tasks (Not supervised).
Evening mood was good, have a great dinner and chit chat session. :)

Why do people procrastinate?

The main things we usually put off are typically what most people or maybe just me, consider hard, boring or meaningless. People often worry that the results of completing a certain task will be less than prefect. Fear of the unknown can definitely cause procrastination too. Yet not following through without our responsibilities often leads to feeling like a failure, and also causing stress and guilt. So why people choose to over-time? Poor time management? Aiming to earn more through the over-time? Or simply just want to show that they are hardworking to their boss? Overtime usually reflects a person lack of capabilities to perform their work or perhaps poor planning which resulted in inefficient work. I am not saying those people that have to over-time because of a lot of works to do. I am referring to those that are being assigned a task but choose to keep dragging it and taking their own sweet time to do it. But well, if I am given a task, I make sure I finish as soon as possible, of course with good quality. Asking me to do it slowly so that I will have work to do through out the day or so I can do over-time or even have work to do tomorrow is simply a NO for me.

Day 3

Word to describe Day 3?

Happy + Good Mood + Surprised

Day 2

Word to describe Day 2?

Amazing + Good mood ~
Still got not much appetite, maybe I am pregnant? My breakfast and lunch was Kimbap.
Dinner? Nothing, not really hungry anyway.

A girl who's used to being on her own?

- Expect her to do her own things often and without letting you know. It's not that it doesn't matter, it's just that she's learned to love doing what she wants, when she wants, and without asking permission or informing anyone.

- She will have a hard time letting you do things for her. It not something personal but she's just used to taking care of herself and it will be hard for her to live in a world where she's got someone else looking out for her in that way.

- Expect her to be stubborn, to always want things her way, and to fight you when she doesn't get it. Don't always give in to her but do let her win sometimes.

- She needs to be left alone often. Some good resting time for herself.

- She will question you, sometimes directly, sometimes implicitly about the stuffs that she wants to know. She will always want to know if they are real or if she's making things up in her head.

- Expect her to be headstrong, she will tell you, "I got this" more than you will want to hear. But she will get used to your offers to help. And in time, she will know how to let go of the tight grip she seems to have on everything.

- She will be guarded, she won't be keen on letting you in. She could be waiting to see if you are worth it, she's hoping that you are worth it.

- Expect her to be stingy with trust, to only give a little bit at a time. But everytime she gives you a little, it will feel like a big step for her. Cherish these big steps.

- She will come across as strong, maybe too strong for most people at first. This is her outer shell, she when you get to know her, you will know she's strong but soft, tough but kind.

- Expect her to be reserved, at least about the things that matter. Until you really get to know her, then she will let you see the untamed, raw and beautiful open version of her that she will let you fully discover.

- Expect her not to need you and not to believe in needing much of anything at all.

- Expect her to be scared or perhaps feeling tired. Scared to be hurt, scared to love and be loved. Scared that you will eventually hurt her or leave her and if and when that happens, she won't know who she was before.

- Being alone is her default, it's her comfort zone. Don't try to force her out.

#Trust her that whatever she do,she thinking for your sake

Day 1

Word to describe Day 1?

Crap..

Brain not working well which causes me to blank out and stone during work.

While riding home, I accidentally beat the red light.  I am lucky that the driver on the opposite road didn't speed up and turn right, if not I will be in the hospital now. I guess my time is not up yet :)

Lost of appetite, it's a good thing right? I am going to lose some weight because of that.

Mood was eventually better during the evening time :)

*I got a new bedsheet :) Smell so good! 

#WhatswrongEdwin? #Atleastthere'sstillsomething

After all, the heart wants what it wants.

I met a person who changed my life, to be a better person of course.
Without that person, I couldn't possibly be the person I am today.
Not saying I am a better or prefect person now, but at least better than what I am previously.
Not saying that person asked me to change. It's an unexplained force that changes me and sets my life onto a different track.


Life seemed to be more alive than it had ever been before.
Every walking moment was filled with pleasant thoughts.
The day was brighter and the world was more colourful.

Of course, I am certain that I am not the only person in this world who is able to meet a person like that..
But, I am pretty sure that it's rare and hard to meet such a person in their lifetime.

This person gives me the opportunity to get to learn more about myself each passing day.
This person helps me to understand what I actually like and what I actually don't like, allowing me to better understand the sort of life that I wish to live.

P/S: Comfortable enough to admit when I am not happy or don't like something without it turning that person off. Already know each other and what will and won't appeal to the both of us.

Engineer? Specialist? Scientist?

After years of crazy study hours, insane exams and wild expectations, I have finally made it. I became an engineer.. err not really the aviation type of engineer that I aiming for, just a lab technician for now but at least, its related to aviation. Some people call my position a scientist, some call my position a specialist. Hopefully, I grow to like what I am doing and become an expect in this field.

Please don't ask me what's my job scopes are for now, I am pretty sure you will regret asking about it as I can't help it to sound like a martian from the sixth dimension of the universe if I am asked to explain my job scopes. However, a rough example will be...

I doing cutting, polishing and testing on things like these:

Which come from this:

Which are used in these:

Which are used to power this:

During my school days, those lectures, never-ending projects, technical reports and mathematical lunacy were all just there to help me lose myself in the "Reality distortion field". School is just a place where nothing is what it seem, I have lose my mind as an engineering student, and here I am embracing the "Anything is possible" mentality.

Note to myself: I need to drink more water, really a lot more. I hope someone can nag me everyday on it. (Excluding my mother)

#Smallactionsorwordsfromyoumakesmehappy:)

Irony

Sometimes the hardest thing to let go of is the thing you never really had.

...

...

Then don't fcking let go, you idiot...

Hold on to it ~

What you facing now will leads to better days.

The road ahead will never be easy, however it's all worth it.

The struggle is not found on the path, it is the path that leads to better days. When the day is really dark, it can be hard to see the light, but you have to try. True strength comes when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to smile and appreciate your life instead.

There are blessings hidden in every struggle you face, loving your life is about trusting your intuition,  taking chances losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories and learning through experience. It's a long term journey and you have to stop worrying, wondering and doubting every step of the way.

Laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment and enjoy your life as it unfolds, struggles and all. You might not end up exactly where you intended to go, but you will eventually arrive precisely where you need to be.

Lesson

In school you are taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you are given a test that teaches you a lesson.

#Iwillbravethestormforyou.

Arguments will never last that long

What's arguments?
Arguments just never last that long with people that matters.
We could be saying "I am sorry", even when neither of us are wrong.
Never to expect an aplogy in return, even after those times when that person may be at fault.
We could be bickering over something so minor and I had realized that being right for once, isn't a top list of priorities.
Even if that means being "Wrong" in an argument, both of us probably won't remember it nor let it drag till the next day.
No grudge are being held either.

Recently, I have a new eye candy, CBR1000RR Fireblade.
Somehow, I have decided to upgrade to Class 2 but meanwhile, settle my Class 2A first!
I am so looking forward to the up-coming Class 2A practical lesson 1.

The right person have the ability to change us in ways nothing else can.

The right person can turn hell into heaven.

The wrong person can turn heaven into hell.

Sometimes, I find that the very same individual is capable of both.

Awkward silence? NOPE!

It's hard to find someone that I can thrive with in a conversation while at the same time able to thrive with in silence too. However, when I do find one, there's no such thing as awkward silence.

When I can appreciate a quiet moment with someone and past the urge to flood the air with conversational filler, it's never awkward. In fact, I find it kind of comfortable.

Although there might not be any words being spoken,  at least not verbally, but a lot of times it tends to communicate around body language.

When I am with someone that I feel connected with,  moments of silence are never truly silent.