Be brave and do it for you because no one else will...

I feel stuck and dread that I can only have a possible placement until the end of the year.
I cannot help it but to feel that in the meantime, there is a big, bad world out there waiting for me to enter.
However, what I find to be an even harder pill to swallow is that when I am stuck, I tend to acutely aware the lives of others around me and also tend to compare my own life to those around me who are the same age or younger than me.

I shall take my own advice, the grass isn't always greener on the other side but rather greener where it's watered. Life is what you make it.

Stop Judging People On First Impressions

Often, people are extremely particular in what they share to others.
Majority of us are paranoid and cautious being who take the first step in letting people enter into our lives.
From the other person's standpoint, it could have give an impression of me being "Stuck up" or "Uninterested", but in reality, I know that was far from the case.

I think that it is common that not everyone likes to divulge his or her entire life story just within the first few encounter.
Purely because, not everybody is an open books who can easily reveal a segment of ourselves to someone who we does not know well. No? Yes?
For me, I usually have my guard up as I needs time and trust, in order to reveal my awesomeness to someone that came into my life.

Of course, it goes without saying that the first impressions are limited in many ways.
Sure, I can get either a positive or negative vibe about a person but more often than not, it really limits my ability to get to know someone beyond a superficial level.

People aren't all that easy to figure out, there are layers and layers behind a persona and sometimes, in order to peel those layers off, time is an essential factor to do so.
I always try to not let a first impression be the guiding point to someone's overall demeanor.
Everyone deserves more than just an initial judgement call. At least, that's what I think.

If I give a valiant effort to something, day in and day out, I saw no change, I will probably quit too.
So there's a need to sharpen my arsenal for perfection in what I can be.
And to always try to get up and go at it again and go at it again.
Because in life, it's not the genetic guy who wins, or the guy who has the most potential who wins, it's the person with great perseverance who wins. That is the guy that I need to be...

Decision making...

There comes a point in my lives when I have to make a decision.
I have to choose between giving up, throwing in the towel or continuing to fight the good fight ahead.

The things and the people that I love are meant to remain in my lives for as long as possible.

Yes, eventually they will all disappear on their own accord one day, I am powerless to do anything about it. But I guess there's no need for me to speed up such process. I just need to be more smart and careful in the decision that I make in life.

I shall try not to make any stupid decision when emotional and under pressure while trying to slow down a bit, take my time, give myself a few days. This is so to prevent myself from getting caught up in the moment and blurt out something that I will regret.

Lets start afresh

These few days had been a joke to me.
Get laid off from a job because I am not qualified for that certain position.
How irony?

Life is all about the give and take, and when the time is right, something good will happen, that's what I believe.

I have decided that this should be no more, I need to be genuinely grateful for all that I have. I don't like to fail, none of the people out there will like it but this is unfortunately an inescapable and omnipresent fact of life that I accept.

Even though I may fear failure, I shouldn't refuse to accept new challenges simply in an attempt to avoid feelings of disappointment.

Quoted from the mighty Azura...
"When things dont work out it only means that theres another path which is so much better and what you just got through is just a challenge for you to learn".

I know...

I know something's gone awry but I feel like going on.
I know I could be wrong but I also could be right.
And I see the things are not the same again.

With just a few words, greetings and farewells are decided.
Will I be able to find your image that flew away?
The result and responsibility of that, you ask me about it.
It's nothing, it's nothing...
It doesn't mean anything, it's not anyone...
It's not you now.
3rd .....
The more that I don't want to fall into this category, the more I became one...

First, I think the worst is a broken heart.
What's going to kill me is the second part.
And the third is when my world splits down the middle.
Fourth, I am going to think that I can fix myself.
Fifth, I know that it's not going to work.
And the sixth, is when I admit that I may have messed up a little.

I become used to it like a habit so I don't even know anymore even it hurts.
I don't say anything, I just need to smile. Right? :)

I lose myself tonight...

No, I am not okay...

Sometimes when people ask me if I'm okay, I just want to turn around and say 'No, I am not okay, I am fucking heart broken, lonely and generally I feel like shit." But I don't, instead I lied to them, I fake a smile, fake a laugh so that maybe one day, I will end up convincing myself that I am okay. Maybe...

I tend to complicate things because it seem like I am not really comfortable with that sort of simplicity yet. Most things that I compulsively distract, consume and engage with are methods of deflection. They aren't really necessary but I just not really going to give them up until there's something else to fill that void. No one knows what I am saying right? Sometimes, I don't really know what I'm saying either.

Funny?

I don't perceive myself as a funny person. At least for the most part, anyways. Yet many people have told me throughout that my existence that I am funny.
But how?

I scroll through my Facebook post or even my Instagram post, nothing I say to anyone really sounds that funny. I don't think I am even capable of "being" funny, least in the words I use on a daily basis.
I don't understand this. Deep down, I think that humor in general and those who contain a sense of natural humor attracts me a lot. It is almost as important as an ideal mate to be funny in order for me to be attracted to them, along with intelligence, of course.

So I don't understand, why do some people think I'm funny? Why do they laugh at me when I am just my natural self? And sometimes, I also don't understand, why I do try to be funny, or come up with something funny to say, I get lost looks around me. So I have given up on occasionally "Trying" to be funny because it just makes me look and feel awkward. First world problem.

On a side note, please look out for your own hand and don't cut yourselves while handling the crabs...

Platonic

I shall just leave thing as how it is.
It is just purely a platonic friendship that got too far.
Too close for comfort but it wasn't planned.
I know it all along, I just didn't stop it nor preventing it from happening.
No damage control...
No corrective measure being taken...
My fault...

There might be those that coyly asking about our friendship, implying that the two of us might have something romantic going on in private. Since it's common for those that are very skeptical of platonic friendships.
No, we really are just friends, I will just leave it at that and it's up to you guys to believe it or not.

On a side note, I pretty miss my buddy Azura. Haven't been texting or meet up with her lately, dragonboat, tons of flight schedule and maybe macho guy. Haha I am sorry buddy, we will meet up soon and I got some stuff to tell you too. Ohh, get well soon!!