No, I am not okay...

Sometimes when people ask me if I'm okay, I just want to turn around and say 'No, I am not okay, I am fucking heart broken, lonely and generally I feel like shit." But I don't, instead I lied to them, I fake a smile, fake a laugh so that maybe one day, I will end up convincing myself that I am okay. Maybe...

I tend to complicate things because it seem like I am not really comfortable with that sort of simplicity yet. Most things that I compulsively distract, consume and engage with are methods of deflection. They aren't really necessary but I just not really going to give them up until there's something else to fill that void. No one knows what I am saying right? Sometimes, I don't really know what I'm saying either.